After being on the road for almost 3 years, God has brought us back to the small town that we started out in. Throughout the last several months, the Lord has had me present him with all the pain and anger from my past. Last year, I overcame the molestation of my childhood and the poor relationship I had with my dad, among many other things.
From 1995 to 2008, I was in a relationship with a man who put me through the most difficult period in my life thus far. During that time, I was both physically and emotionally abused, attempted suicide, and lost all my self-worth. I measured myself by his standard, and it has all come out in anger toward my present husband, who is completely innocent of any of my pain.
Three weeks ago, after a bout of anger rose up in me, and I went for a drive to clear my head. It was 3 miles to the main road, and before I had gotten half-way there, the Holy Spirit directed me to go to the man I had had a relationship with for over 13 years. I had to tell him that I forgave him of all the pain that he had caused.
I then proceeded to ‘do a Gideon’, and say God, if this is You, then have him be out in town where I can see him when I get there. Knowing this man as well as I did, I knew he never left his little farm unless he absolutely had to, so I had resigned myself to going to his house, even though there were so many bad memories.
Looking down at the gas needle, I knew I wouldn’t go very much farther without fuel, so I made my way to a gas station I usually use. As I passed by a local eatery, I saw a truck that I thought looked like his. I drove on, got fuel, and drove back toward the small restaurant. My plan was to park across the street and wait and see who came out to occupy the truck. As I approached, there was someone in the driver’s seat, with the door open.
It was a cloudy day, and it had been lightly raining off and on throughout the day. This man was rolling his window up, since it had started to sprinkle. When he began to exit the vehicle, I saw it was who God had sent me to talk to. So, I parked right beside his truck and tapped the horn. He had begun to walk back toward the restaurant, but turned around at the sound of the horn.
When he saw me, he grinned wide. It had been over 4 years since we had seen one another, and all those old feelings of hate and anger were gone. He asked for a hug, and I gave him one. In our 20 minute conversation, I told him what I had been sent to say. It was a tremendous relief for both of us.
In the last 2 weeks, my husband, and all the people around me, have noticed a marked difference in my overall attitude. I feel like the weight of the world has been taken from me.
So, for anyone who reads this that might be in a similar position that I was in: forgive!! Don’t go for years holding it in like I did, then venting it on innocent people. Give it to God, and let him deal with it. You will feel a lot better for it!
There is freedom in forgiveness!
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