Closing This Door to Open Another

Hello to all the readers we have had in the past 5+ years. We are not only beginning a new chapter in our ministry, but a new book, so to speak. The blog will be archived so that it can still be accessed, but our focus is now on one blog, with a different theme, and an updated message. Click on the picture below to read our first post from the new blog and, if you would like to follow us there, that would be wonderful. Thank you all for making our little ministry blog a part of your reading material.

The Decision to be Disobedient

What do we do when we realize we have been disobedient? Where do we go when we have rejected our calling? Who do we ask to take the weight of our grief when God withdraws His Spirit from us? We are left like a house abandoned, with our doors broken down and our windows busted out. All we are fit for then is a rodent haven or other vermin. We realize that there is no longer any joy within our walls, and any sound made is just the wind rushing through our empty rooms. The only shelter we can provide anyone is the transient that needs a quick shelter to get out of the rain. And, the worst part of all is that, in our pain and grief, we realize that we made a decision to go against God's instructions, and the result is our own doing.

I have heard people say that God is a God of second chances. I know this to be true, because He has dealt with me many times when I was reluctant to do what He asked, or put down what He told me to put down. But, sometime in our life, we will be faced with a decision--something that may seem unimportant to us, in our way of thinking. But, there are times when we get only one chance to say "yes" to His request. And, our response to Him will determine whether we are worthy to move to the next stage of our calling. If not, then we stop at that point. There is nowhere to sit and rest from the emptiness. It fills and consumes us, and we are left with no direction and no purpose.

How do we get past our blatant disobedience? Is there ever any hope of our relationship with God being built back? Have enough decay set in that our walls are falling down, and we become nothing more than a relic for people to wonder about, and create an eyesore in our neighborhood?

We know that Scripture is filled with life-lessons that should be heeded, and disobedience has a few examples written in to help answer some of the heart wrenching questions that we must ask ourselves  when our disobedience tears our life apart. 

One of the reasons for disobedience comes from us thinking too highly of ourselves, in whatever talent, skill or training that we have. Paul, in 2 Corinthians 10, verses 4 and 5 says: The weapons of our warfare are not according to the flesh, but of the power of God, and by it we bring under control rebellious strongholds within us, and we pull down our own imaginations and everything that is raised up against the knowledge of God, and we take all thoughts prisoner to the obedience of The Messiah.  

This is one of the first places we make a mess of things. We have our own idea how God should be, based on denomination, doctrine, and/or what the pastor says, instead of relying on God Himself through His word, and through His communication with us. (Yes, God does still speak to His people! He has not changed! If anyone is not hearing Him, then that person should give his/her spiritual house a thorough cleaning to see what has the sound muffled.)

Paul goes on to says, verses 7 and 12: Do you look at things only as they appear in front of your face? If a man trusts upon himself that he is of The Messiah, let him know this from his soul, that as he is of The Messiah, so also are we....For we are not bold to number or compare ourselves with some of those who flaunt themselves. But, they themselves, measuring themselves by themselves, and comparing themselves with themselves, are without understanding.   

And, here again, we find the attitude that will quickly bring on disobedience. As soon as God asks us to do something that we are uncomfortable with because of our own way of thinking, then we have already invited the enemy into the discussion. If we already put God in a denominational box, the enemy will do whatever it takes to keep Him there. Those things will probably look like whispers of pride and arrogance running through our brains that makes us question what we are learning. Something important to remember: If our measuring stick is broken or has been tampered with to show imprecise delineations, the outcome will not be correct.

There are a few characters in Scripture that had "one shot" to get it right, but different things got in the way. The first one was Esau. And it did not happen to him once, but twice. Genesis 25:29-34: Jacob boiled stew. Esau came in from the field, and he was famished. Esau said to Jacob, "Please feed me with that same red stew, for I am famished." Therefore his name was called Edom. Jacob said, "First, sell me your birthright." Esau said, "Behold, I am about to die. What good is the birthright to me?" Jacob said, "Swear to me first." He swore to him. He sold his birthright to Jacob. Jacob gave Esau bread and stew of lentils. He ate and drank, rose up, and went his way. So Esau despised his birthright.

Genesis 27:38-40 Esau said to his father, "Have you but one blessing, my father? Bless me, even me also, my father." Esau lifted up his voice, and wept. Isaac his father answered him, "Behold, of the fatness of the earth will be your dwelling, and of the dew of the sky from above. By your sword will you live, and you will serve your brother. It will happen, when you will break loose, that you shall shake his yoke from off your neck."

Hebrews 12: 14-17Follow after peace with all men, and the sanctification without which no man will see the Lord, looking carefully lest there be any man who falls short of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up trouble you, and many be defiled by it; lest there be any sexually immoral person, or profane person, like Esau, who sold his birthright for one meal. For you know that even when he afterward desired to inherit the blessing, he was rejected, for he found no place for a change of mind though he sought it diligently with bitter tears.

There have been times in my life that I have read the story of Esau and wept at what he must have felt in his rejection from the one who loved him most. If we are willing to give up our Godly position for a fleshly desire, then how can we be trusted to carry out any thing that God gives us to do? If we think that God plays favorites in the same way we humans do, and bet that against the calling He has given us, we will lose. And, no matter how much we regret those actions, or the thoughts that caused the actions, there are times when we just get one chance. Because once is all it takes for our true colors to show through, and God wants loyalty, not rebellion.

Another one-shot-deal was Saul. 1 Samuel 15:10-11,16-19, 24-29,34-35: Then the word of Yahweh came to Samuel, saying, "It grieves me that I have set up Saul to be king; for he is turned back from following me, and has not performed my commandments." Samuel was angry; and he cried to Yahweh all night....

Then Samuel said to Saul, "Stay, and I will tell you what Yahweh has said to me last night." He said to him, "Say on." Samuel said, "Though you were little in your own sight, weren't you made the head of the tribes of Israel? Yahweh anointed you king over Israel; and Yahweh sent you on a journey, and said, 'Go, and utterly destroy the sinners the Amalekites, and fight against them until they are consumed.' Why then didn't you obey the voice of Yahweh, but took the spoils, and did that which was evil in the sight of Yahweh?"...

Saul said to Samuel, "I have sinned; for I have transgressed the commandment of Yahweh, and your words, because I feared the people, and obeyed their voice. Now therefore, please pardon my sin, and turn again with me, that I may worship Yahweh." Samuel said to Saul, "I will not return with you; for you have rejected the word of Yahweh, and Yahweh has rejected you from being king over Israel." As Samuel turned about to go away, Saul grabbed the skirt of his robe, and it tore. Samuel said to him, "Yahweh has torn the kingdom of Israel from you this day, and has given it to a neighbor of yours who is better than you. Also the Strength of Israel will not lie nor repent; for he is not a man, that he should repent."...

Then Samuel went to Ramah; and Saul went up to his house to Gibeah of Saul. Samuel came no more to see Saul until the day of his death; for Samuel mourned for Saul: and Yahweh grieved that he had made Saul king over Israel.

It's a little harder to feel pity for Saul, than for Esau, because his disobedience was further reaching in some ways. Although he did not stop being king, the Spirit of God removed itself from him, and he no longer had God's favor or blessing. The extent of his disobedience was acting on blatant disregard for God's instruction, and fear of the people. Those two attributes of the enemy are ingredients that, if let run rampant, will destroy our loyalty to God in a moment. If we find ourselves in the place of Saul, we might not lose our earthly or physical position in life, but we will know no peace until we leave this world, just as Saul didn't.

The best way to not fall into a trap of the enemy cheating us out of our blessing, favor and joy, is to remain humble before God, read what happened to different characters in Scripture, and learn from their experience. That which has been is that which shall be; and that which has been done is that which shall be done: and there is no new thing under the sun. Ecclesiastes 1:9 We might live in a different time, a different culture, and on a different continent, but heartache is still heartache, pain is still pain, and joy is still joy, in all peoples, at any time, past, present or future,

This writing stems from my heartache after ministering to a woman suffering the emotional pain of a traumatic and abusive past, almost every day for the last nine months. Not just through texts or phone calls, but visits that lasted most of the day several times a week. She became my friend, and in a lot of ways, became like a sister. But, just a few days ago, she decided that the calling that God was placing on her life was not worth the sacrifice of what He was asking her to give up. She ultimately did not want to give up her pain, her victim status, or pride in her own accomplishments that, in her eyes, outweighed God's blessing....When we women have children, there is a lot of pain and suffering, but a crying baby at the end of it all makes the pain worthwhile. But, some women go through all of the pain and agony of having a child, only for it to be stillborn. God wants us to be rid of the pain from our past, and will plant a seed in us that will grow into something wonderful that will bless us for the rest of our lives. But, others go through the process of having that seed planted, feel it develop, decide to be disobedient, and then have nothing to show for all the pain they have been through.

I beseech all who read this to go through your spiritual inventory, and see where obedience is needed, and do whatever it is that God is asking. You will never get back less than whatever it is He is asking you to give up or do. It might be the only chance you get. Eve had to take only one bite.....

Series: It Is Written~Find a Space to Call Your Own

When we write, we are putting down on paper the words we would say if we were speaking. And, paper is meant both literally and metaphorically. This ‘paper’ I am typing on is on the computer screen. So, whether you use real paper, or electronic paper, the key is to write!

I have found that I write better when there are no distractions; no TV, people milling around, or other things like that. And, I know we all have lives that are busy and take up the bulk of our time. But, here are a few little things to do during your day that will help you keep track of your writing project.

• Put a notepad and pencil on your bedside table. I usually have some project idea or reference to what I’m working on come to me after I’ve gone to bed.
• Use your phone to record a note to yourself for later use, or to send yourself an email, when you are out and about and an idea comes to you. 
• Talk about your project with other people, and get their feedback.
• Keep a positive attitude about your project, even if everyday life tries to get in the way. 

Whatever you have a passion for, set aside some time to devote to it, even if it is just half an hour once a week. If your project has been given to you by God, to share with others, then the enemy will surely try to hinder your progress. If that happens, don’t let the enemy win! Press on for God, and He will see you through! A space to write should be just as personal and private as times of prayer. Find a place that makes you comfortable, and grab a coffee, and give God a few minutes on paper.

top photo courtesy of john levanen via Flickr | License/cropped

Series: It Is Written~Are You Called To Write?

I know what you are thinking: I can’t write! Well, with that attitude, you won’t! But, if God is calling you, He will give you what you need. Moses told God that he stuttered. Did God go find someone else to lead His people? No. He gave him Aaron, to do the talking for him. So, pick up a pen, or a pencil, pull out some paper, and jot down a few thoughts.

1) What lesson have you learned on your Godly journey that you want to share with others? 2) Who is your target audience? Teens? Single mothers? Older women? Widows? The terminally ill? The homeless? 3) What is the main point you want to convey?

Your story should have a beginning, a middle, and an end. If what you are writing about is a particular painful part of your life, pray about your subject matter, and let God lead you to say the “write” words. Look for pictures to help convey your message. Maybe you have some old memories tucked away in a shoebox or photo album. Or, maybe you need something fresh. If so, then look for pictures that have a Creative Commons license, that you can use in your article, without worrying about copyright infringement. God has told a lot of people to write. If He is telling you, then take a look in Scripture at who He also called to write. Here are a few:

• Besides being wise, the Preacher also taught the people knowledge, weighing and studying and arranging many proverbs with great care. The Preacher sought to find words of delight, and uprightly he wrote words of truth. The words of the wise are like goads, and like nails firmly fixed are the collected sayings; they are given by one Shepherd. Ecc. 12:9-11

• Write in a book all the words that I have spoken to you. For behold, days are coming, declares the LORD, when I will restore the fortunes of my people, Israel and Judah, says the LORD, and I will bring them back to the land that I gave to their fathers, and they shall take possession of it. Jeremiah 30:2

• Now it shall come about when he sits on the throne of his kingdom, he shall write for himself a copy of this law on a scroll in the presence of the Levitical priests. It shall be with him and he shall read it all the days of his life, that he may learn to fear the LORD his God, by carefully observing all the words of this law and these statutes, that his heart may not be lifted up above his countrymen and that he may not turn aside from the commandment, to the right or the left, so that he and his sons may continue long in his kingdom in the midst of Israel. Deut. 17:18-20

What words are passing through your heart, and making their way to your fingers? What encouragement does God want you to share? What have you lived through, that your experience might change the direction of someone else? Pull out the notepad, and jot down your thoughts. Your story is worth the read. If God has been dealing with you to open up your life in this way, don’t hold back. Can you imagine how the Scriptures would read if there were no Psalms or Proverbs? The words of David, and others writers, all those hundreds of years ago are still just as encouraging and powerful now as they were when the ink was fresh.

A New Me, A New Venture, and A New Outlook!

For anyone who has been following my blogs knows that I have not published anything in roughly a year. Well, it seems that I am BACK! 

This last year has been very hard emotionally, and we have lived under some of the worst stress in this Christian walk. But, God has seen fit to bring us through, and now that the "old me" that needed dissolving has finally been dealt with, He is introducing some new ideas into our lives.   

I have been taking pictures of our home life, for ministry, and travels for over six years now. Unfortunately, almost all of the pictures from the house we gave up over four years ago were lost when my computer crashed, except for a precious few I had submitted to Google Earth, and a few albums on Facebook.  I have learned that, when God wants you to turn loose of the past, He will take away the reminders, so that it makes us less likely to return there. That is a good thing if some of those memories bring pain that He wants us to  turn loose forever. Finally, I feel that has been accomplished. No one could be more thankful than my husband.  God bless him for all he has gone through with me, and for me.

So, with all those pictures, and a lot of them used in *ministry, I had a lot of "extra" pictures left over. And, some of them are very good. So, God moved me about a month ago, to come up with my own logo as a "photographer". I built a small website to show off the best photos. And, now it has developed into a concept called "photomanipulation", and I now have art that I have created from my photos for sale on fineartamerica.com; a website where literally millions of people display, and sell, their artwork. It is an avenue that I had never considered before just a few weeks ago, and even though it could be listed as a "hobby", I know God will use it to minister to someone-or many someones-in the future. 

I have always loved to "create". When my kids were small, I made all of their clothing (and most of my own).  I had my own landscaping business until the economy tanked a few years ago. I designed many gardens, and built many from "the ground up".  Pun intended.

With this picture taking in the midst of God's creation, I realize that God is an artist,  a designer, a gardener, a CREATOR, in a more meaningful way than I ever learned in Sunday School lessons. To see a snippet of who God is, look closely at the center of a daisy, or the wings of a dragonfly, or the web of a spider. All these things make wonderful images on paper, or on the computer screen.  But, there is wonder and amazement in the arrangement of God's creation.  And, if He has fashioned the flowers, birds and bees with such diversity and uniqueness, then imagine how He has fashioned us. No wonder that David said that "we are fearfully and wonderfully made." 

* Proclamation & Prayer Albums on G+ 

(How Proclamation & Prayer came about is featured in my blog Favoring Joseph.)

The Sins of the Father

All of us have negative things from our childhood that leaves a mark on us as adults. Some come from parents, other family, peers or friends. My particular ‘thing’ came from my father.

Growing up, I could never be good enough to please him; everything I did was either wrong or criticized. When that didn’t have the desired effect, the ‘authority’ card was pulled out. “As long as you live under my roof, you’ll do as I say.” Or, “I don’t care what you think.” Or, my favorite, used only once, when I challenged that authority, “You’re getting brave, aren’t you?'”

I wasn’t rebellious in the traditional sense~I never did drugs nor alcohol, so there wasn’t any time that he had to get me out of trouble. I never dated until well past my 19th birthday, so there was no boy trouble, or anyone calling the house asking for me.

But, a year and a half after graduating high school, I met someone who was just as eager as I was to get away from his parents as me. Just before I turned 20, after dating for only seven months, we ran away to another state to get married.

We did not have all the legal documents we needed for the marriage to take place, so we came back to his hometown with the intention of staying with friends, then going back on Monday to try again. What I did not know-or expect-was my parents to come looking for me.

After a confrontation, and a slap across the face-his usual reaction to me-my mother stepped between us, and expressed her concern that if he didn’t at least listen to me, that I was '”of age’, and that I could leave and they would never see me again. My dad backed off, and I agreed to go home with them, but them with the full knowledge that I would be getting married soon.

After we got back, my dad called me downstairs, and suggested that I go with him to look for a lost beagle he had named Charlie. The dog was really missing, but he used it as a ploy to talk to me. In that conversation, I came to understand how I came to be here. He had dated my mom for about 4 to 5 months, and came to tell her he was breaking up with her to go back to his former girlfriend. But, she told him she was pregnant first. He said he knew Edward-my mom’s dad-would kill him (literally) so he kept quiet. Until then. He told me all that to ask me if I was pregnant. After reassuring him that I was not, and that there was no chance of me being, everything seemed to, temporarily, calm down. So I had a church wedding about 3 weeks later, but with no blessing from my father.

So all the slaps across the face, all the harsh words, the judgments made in anger, wanting nothing to do with me-it all made sense. He had to marry my mom, instead of his true love; so he had resented me all of my life. Even though I was an innocent child, I was the product of his sin.

It has taken literally over half my life so far to realize the emotional damage that has been done to me. Always trying to please him, but never able. Laying awake at night wondering why he hated me, but ‘loved’ my younger sister. Crying myself to sleep at night while praying that when he went out hunting on those cold autumn nights that he would not come back home again.

Just last week, I believe I finally put the last demon to rest resulting from that childhood experience. All of my adult life, I had carried with me a rebellion against male authority. Only last year did I realize that, for me, the emotional equation for authority was that it meant no love. That was a real eye-opener, and since then, all the emotional issues I has suffered through over the years made sense.

What I learned~that is, what I was healed from~last week was the taking of negative comments personally. In the past, I always felt justified if my pride/ego/feelings were hurt because of someone else’s words. But God decided to teach me a lesson once and for all. At the end of that, I realized I was taking ownership of something that did not belong to me.

If someone spat out hurtful words, I word reach out and snag them, and apply them to myself, making them mine. Now, I see that if negative, hurtful words are spoken~even if they are spoken in my direction, I do not need to claim them. They are not “automatically” mine. With this realization comes a great sense of freedom.

I have the freedom to choose whether to claim words or not. Before I felt compelled to take them no matter what. Now, I am no longer bound by the words of someone else. No more deep-seated anger; no more upset seemingly coming from nowhere. The words belong to the person speaking, and I can choose to take them, and apply them, or I can choose to reject them. Now I am in a position to say a prayer for the person who speaks negatively, where before in my taking personally those negative words would cause a reaction of anger.

God has shown me how to not suffer the sin of my father: resentment.

An Answered Prayer

Back in 2011, when we were interim pastors at a small church in Moncks Corner, SC, I was on the receiving end of a prayer answered in such a way that I can only call it a miracle.

We had given up our house the previous August, which was the last time I had seen my younger daughter. At the time we left, I had not seen my older daughter, or grandson, in a year. By the time Christmas of 2010 came around, I was praying to see my children. Little did I know that God would take me half way across the country to answer this particular prayer.

In December, just a couple of weeks before Christmas, my younger daughter, Jaime, called to tell me she had joined the Army National Guard, and would be shipping out to Fort Leonard Wood, in Missouri, in January. I was over 300 miles away, and wanted to see her off, but it was just not to be. When she left that January, she warned me that she would not have use of her cell phone throughout boot camp, so to expect to hear from her in May. I resigned myself that she was off the grid for the next four months, and tried to talk to Rachel, my older daughter, on Facebook as much as possible during that time. She lived in Bloomington, IN, which was about 16 hours from us.

Then, on March 22, the phone rang, and it was Jaime, crying so hard I could barely understand what she was saying. Finally, through the sniffles and tears, I gathered that she had sent her dad money to come see her graduate, but that he was refusing to come, and could I get to North Carolina, pick up her car, and drive to Missouri, and be there in less than 48 hours?

I knew I had to go, but how was I going to pull this off?? I began to pray, and made a phone call to the worship leader of the church. He agreed to take me to the bus station in Charleston the next day. With that squared away, I called her dad. I told him to have Jaime’s car at the bus station in Waynesville, NC, the next night at 10:30pm, that I was going to Missouri to see Jaime graduate.

He was quite surprised to hear that, but was there when the bus arrived. I had ridden seven hours, through a torrent of rain, and was tired, but determined to drive all night to get to her graduation by 11am the morning.

When I approached the car-in the pouring rain-he remained in the driver’s seat, so I hopped in the passenger’s side. He informed me that he had decided to go, since he had someone to help him drive. I looked down at the gear shift….it was a stick shift, which I had completely forgotten about. I hadn’t driven a stick since 1997, and figured I was probably very rusty. I told him that he could drive a while if he wanted, and we would switch out later on. So, we got on I-40 west, and headed for Missouri. Now, as if me just getting to North Carolina wasn’t miracle enough, under the circumstances, the getting to Fort “Lost-in-the-Woods’, as it is aptly nicknamed, was altogether a miraculous journey.

Here I was, traveling with my ex-husband, the father of my children, which I was not expecting to do. Driving relaxes my mind, so the peace I had looked forward to was non-existent. Then, all he talked about was wrestling, fishing, and his new girlfriend. (At the time of this journey, we had been divorced for 16 years, and I really hoped he would have matured some during that time. WRONG!) So, by the time we got to Nashville, TN, around 2 am, the rain had stopped, so I got in the driver’s seat for a while. I wasn’t too confident that I would be able to change gears smoothly, but it turned out to be like riding a bicycle-it all came back to me by the time we got out of the gas station parking lot.

Then, my next test came: morning rush-hour traffic and road construction through St. Louis in 8 lanes of traffic. I come from the mountains of western North Carolina…. four-lanes are as wide as it gets. (I had driven in Atlanta traffic once, but that is a whole other story!) I gripped the steering wheel, took a deep breath, and didn’t let the surrounding traffic break my concentration. By the time we got to another gas station an hour past St. Louis, I was ready to get back into the passenger’s seat!

As we passed through the security gates, the clock said 10:38am. As we followed the broken directions, it took us only moments to get lost. Fort Leonard Wood is a little town all on its own, complete with a hospital, 2 bowling alleys, and a myriad of brick buildings.  When I was in high school, the building  was located on the campus of Western Carolina University in Cullowhee, NC. There, all the buildings are clearly marked. Fort Leonard Wood looks like WCU, with the exception of clearly marked buildings!

So, we drove around for several minutes, looking for ‘Baker Theatre’. It was nowhere to be found! As the time soared closer to 11am, I prayed to God, “Surely You’re not gonna let us get THIS close and miss it!” I suggested we go back to the beginning, and try again. We did, and had gone only one block when we came upon a truck with an out-of-state tag. Excitedly, I said to follow it, that they also may be going to the graduation. Sure enough, they were. As we sat down in the back row, the lights went off, and the time was 10:54am.

That was Thursday, March 24, 2011. We spent the next two days with Jaime, as she didn’t have to be back on base until 6am Sunday morning. After a tearful goodbye, we headed back the way we had come, except at St. Louis, we continued through Illinois, into Indiana, getting to Rachel’s house about 2pm. Even though our time was limited, I got to spend the next three hours with her and my grandson. Another tearful goodbye later, we got on the road heading to North Carolina. 

By the time I got back to the little church in Moncks Corner, SC, I had been gone five days total, and I was tired from all the driving. But, it was well worth it-God had given me an answered prayer! 

‘Go Get Him, He Is a Special Dog’

For my daughter’s 15^th birthday, she begged for a dog. Not just any dog; she had her heart set on a large male dog, black, that she wanted to name ‘Buddy’. She pestered me for weeks, but I would not budge from my original ‘No!’

We lived, at that time, with someone who took in every stray and those injured on the interstate. There were already 14 dogs on the premises, besides about two dozen cats, and a horse. All my money was poured into animals that weren’t even mine. They ate better than we did.

I had nothing against dogs; I was raised around animals of all sorts on a small farm. However, I could not justify feeding another animal. Finally, after several weeks of being badgered, I gave in and let Rachel ‘look’ for a dog in the Iwanna paper. I fully expected her to find nothing, given the boundaries she had given herself. I was wrong. The second ad held all the promise of her wishes being fulfilled.

“Momma, LOOK…it’s a male Lab-mix puppy, just six weeks old, black, and HE’S ALREADY NAMED BUDDY!” My heart sank…..what was I going to do now? I told Rachel I would ‘think about it.’ That night, when I went to bed, I prayed a sincere prayer to the Lord. ‘What do I do?…. I don’t want to disappoint Rachel again, and I can’t afford to feed another dog! Help!’ I fell into a troubled sleep, weighing the pros and cons in my head. Sometime during the night, the Lord woke me up with the words ‘Go get him, he is a special dog’ spoken audibly into my right ear.

The next morning, a Tuesday, I told Rachel we would make a call later in the day, and inquire about the puppy. She was ecstatic! I was self-employed, and traveled about an hour to work, building rock walls and gardens, and general landscaping. Near lunchtime, I made a call and talked to a really nice Christian lady who told me the dog’s story.

She , her husband, and daughter, had been to Smiley’s Flea Market the weekend before. It had been her daughter’s ninth birthday, and as they walked along, she saw a man selling puppies for $50 each. She ran up, as children do, wanting to pet them. It turned out that the parents of the puppies were both registered bird dogs, as wells as show dogs in their sport, owned by someone locally. An accidental breeding had taken place, and the puppies were half Labrador Retriever and half Golden Retriever.

They left the man selling the puppies, and continued to walk around the flea market. When they returned to their starting point, the man only had one puppy left, after beginning with five. He called them over, and told the parents that he would give the daughter the last puppy-Buddy-for her birthday. So, they brought him home that Sunday.

When I asked the reason she was getting rid of him after having him for only a week, she explained that she had nine cats, and that Buddy terrorized them by chasing them constantly. Her old tom cat had left the second day, and had not returned. She emphasized that she wanted him to go to a good home, but that her cats took priority. She and the daughter had compromised , and result was that Buddy would have to go, in favor of receiving a new kitten. I made arrangements to go the following Thursday.

The puppy that greeted us was all feet and ears, but Rachel picked him up and did not put him down until she put him in our SUV. All the woman asked for was the $20 that she had spent on a bag of dog food. Rachel gladly paid her, and we set out on the two hour drive back to work. That first day, he began to show me what a special dog he was.

I was cutting some overhanging branches from a maple tree from a client’s driveway using spring-operated loppers on a pole. The branch was almost out of reach, even with the full extension of the saw. I needed to get a better grip on the rope to pull the blade to make the cut. My girls were behind the house weeding a flower bed, and did not hear me call them. However, Buddy was sitting just a few feet away from me, watching every move I made with pricked ears and his head turned to the side. Just for a laugh, I called him to me, and put the knot at the end of the rope in his mouth, telling him to ‘hold it.’ As if he understood exactly what I needed, he closed his mouth on the knot, set back on his haunches, keeping the tension on the blade while I got a better grip. He did this twice for me, until I got the branch cut, then I patted him on the head, telling him what a good dog he was. He was such a cute little fellow, sitting there , looking back at me. He was about the size of a large house cat, weighing 13 pounds. But, he grew fast!

 

We got Buddy a month and a half before Rachel’s birthday, and by time it actually rolled around, she had found her a boy to have a crush on, and Buddy was forgotten. He went to work with me everyday, and hardly left my side. As my life in the relationship I was in spun out of control, he developed a protective toward me.

If I was in the bathroom too long, he would come and nose the door open, with a ‘just checking’ look on his face, then back away. If there were time I had to leave him at home, he would be overly excited when I came home, whining and circling around me endlessly. Of course, he reacted the same way if I had just walked out to the mailbox!

In November, 2006, I got out of the shower-my feet still a bit too wet-and fell on the tile floor. The first thing that hit was the back of my head. All the lights went out on impact, but I was still conscious. Buddy was the only other ‘person’ in the house, and he circled me continuously, whining, until I was able to figure out where ‘up’ was. I went to the emergency room, where they gave me five staples to close the gaping hole in my head, and told me I had a concussion. (I lost almost all of my taste and smell capabilities because of the accident, but thankfully, seven years later, I have regained about 95% of my taste, and about 25% of my smell!)

As the years passed by, I saw him train a horse to not be afraid of, or violent toward, small dogs. One summer, as a momma cat was having kittens under a camper cover for a pick-up truck, Buddy crawled in with her, inspecting each newborn kitten as it came out, and keeping the other curious cats away by putting his front paws between the kittens and the trespassing cat. If they tried to get beyond that barrier, he would inch closer, and put his body in their path.

The summer he was two years old, I took him with me to visit some cousins that lived about an hour away. After being there a little while, she wanted to go see another cousin that had just received a two-month old baby, born addicted to drugs.

My cousin, Keitha, along with her husband, has committed their life to helping babies born this way by being a foster parents. She had had Tavares two days, and he was just two months old. When we got there, I asked Keitha if I could bring Buddy inside, since I didn’t bring a leash, and he was completely house- and car- broke. She said yes, and Buddy came in and circled the car seat sitting in the floor in front of the sofa.

He had never been around a baby before, especially a newborn, but he was curious. He laid down beside the sleeping baby, taking up a vigil that I believe was his instinctive nature. A few times when the baby would wake up and cry, he would raise his head, looking in curiously. Keitha would gently rock him for a few seconds, until he fell back asleep, and then Buddy would settle back down, resting his head on his front paws. We were there about three hours, and he never moved from that spot until it was time to leave.

When we gave up our house, back in 2010, I had to give Buddy up, knowing we could not take him with us into an uncertain future. I prayed over who to give Buddy to; giving him up was very much like giving up one my own children. A neighbor who helped us disassemble our house had an eleven year old boy, Wade. He thought Buddy was THE dog! Whenever they came over, Buddy followed him every step he made. When our living room furniture was gone, we all sat on the floor. Wade would sit cross-legged, and Buddy would lay down, putting his head in Wade’s lap. It was like watching a modern version of Timmy and Lassie.

So, that is where Buddy is now. I’ve not seen him in two and a half years. But I still miss him terribly. I dream of him often, and there are times that I wish I could just go get him back, but I know that is impossible right now. Some might think I am overreacting, that I would love a dog that much, but God was right-he IS a special dog, and saw me through many hard times.

The above picture is one of my favorites of Buddy. He loves the snow, and our last winter in North Carolina, he had plenty of it to play in! It is ironic that his parents were bird dogs, because I tried many times to ‘sic’ him on the herons when I lived near the Tuckasegee River. He was not interested. Oh, and by the way, in all those years around the dozens  of  cats,  he never  chased a one. But, he has a great affinity for rocks, and usually would bring one home every time we went on outdoor excursions!



John Who?

 Way back in 1996, when praying by my bedside one night, the Lord impressed upon me to pray for ‘everyone in the world named John’. That was a considerably tall order, but I prayed as the Spirit led. I knew several ‘Johns’, some from childhood, and some from my adult life, but none of them seemed to ‘fit’. The indication to pray the prayer again never came, and over the years I wondered who the prayer was meant for. Then, back in the fall of 2012, 16 years later, and after asking God to reveal to me who this ‘John’ was, He let me in on the secret.

It was during this time that I was trying to find different platforms from which to launch the blogs I was writing, and I opened up a WordPress account. I sat up until 2am one night setting the whole thing up. By the time I got sleepy enough to go to bed, I had decided that I did not like that platform. Even though I had published one post, I closed the account first thing when I got up the next morning.

Unbeknownst to me, I had an email waiting for me from a man who had read that single post in the approximate 8 hours it had been up. When I saw this email , at least an hour after I had closed the account, it brought a smile to my face.

This man had commented on the post~from my very first blog~that I had written a few months prior. After a few kind words, he gave me his partial testimony. He lived in Canada, was presently retired, but his occupation had been that of a butler to a very wealthy family for twenty-five years. He went on to tell me that he had no living relatives, and had not had any in many years. He told me how he had given his life to Christ seven years earlier, after living a homosexual lifestyle his whole adult life.

As I read all of this, I was overcome with emotion at the sincerity I felt in his words. Then I read two things that made it all make sense. One of the last things he said, in reference to having no family, was that he knew that he had no one that would have prayed for him in all those years before, because he did not know, nor had any dealings with ‘Christians’ until he came to salvation. The second thing was that it was signed “Love, John.”

God had answered a prayer, because the spirit told me instantly that this was the man I had prayed for 16 years before. It warmed my soul to read his testimony, and know that God let me play a part in it.

That being said, whenever a prayer is impressed upon anyone’s heart, pray it, no matter how silly it may seem. It might take sixteen years to get the reason why, but He will reveal His purpose for it!

There Is Freedom In Forgiveness

After being on the road for almost 3 years, God has brought us back to the small town that we started out in. Throughout the last several months, the Lord has had me present him with all the pain and anger from my past. Last year, I overcame the molestation of my childhood and the poor relationship I had with my dad, among many other things.

From 1995 to 2008, I was in a relationship with a man who put me through the most difficult period in my life thus far. During that time, I was both physically and emotionally abused, attempted suicide, and lost all my self-worth. I measured myself by his standard, and it has all come out in anger toward my present husband, who is completely innocent of any of my pain.

Three weeks ago, after a bout of anger rose up in me, and I went for a drive to clear my head. It was 3 miles to the main road, and before I had gotten half-way there, the Holy Spirit directed me to go to the man I had had a relationship with for over 13 years. I had to tell him that I forgave him of all the pain that he had caused.

I then proceeded to ‘do a Gideon’, and say God, if this is You, then have him be out in town where I can see him when I get there. Knowing this man as well as I did, I knew he never left his little farm unless he absolutely had to, so I had resigned myself to going to his house, even though there were so many bad memories.

Looking down at the gas needle, I knew I wouldn’t go very much farther without fuel, so I made my way to a gas station I usually use. As I passed by a local eatery, I saw a truck that I thought looked like his. I drove on, got fuel, and drove back toward the small restaurant. My plan was to park across the street and wait and see who came out to occupy the truck. As I approached, there was someone in the driver’s seat, with the door open.

It was a cloudy day, and it had been lightly raining off and on throughout the day. This man was rolling his window up, since it had started to sprinkle. When he began to exit the vehicle, I saw it was who God had sent me to talk to. So, I parked right beside his truck and tapped the horn. He had begun to walk back toward the restaurant, but turned around at the sound of the horn.

When he saw me, he grinned wide. It had been over 4 years since we had seen one another, and all those old feelings of hate and anger were gone. He asked for a hug, and I gave him one. In our 20 minute conversation, I told him what I had been sent to say. It was a tremendous relief for both of us.

In the last 2 weeks, my husband, and all the people around me, have noticed a marked difference in my overall attitude. I feel like the weight of the world has been taken from me.

So, for anyone who reads this that might be in a similar position that I was in: forgive!! Don’t go for years holding it in like I did, then venting it on innocent people. Give it to God, and let him deal with it. You will feel a lot better for it!

There is freedom in forgiveness!